Various Democrat Jokes: Part I
"For years, the young attorney had been taking vacations at a country inn. The last time he'd finally managed an affair with the innkeeper's daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant on her lap!
"Helen, why didn't you write when you learned you were pregnant?" he cried. "I would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have my name!"
"Well," she said, "when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all night talking and talking, and decided it would be better to have a bastard in the family than a Democrat."
Q: What do UFO's and smart Democrat have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How do you confuse a Democrat?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: How do you keep a Democrat busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: Why can't Democrat make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
If I had half a mind,
I'd be a Democrat.
Q: What's the difference between a Democrat and terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with the terrorist.
A Democrat died and a friend went around collecting for a fund for his funeral. A woman was asked to donate ten dollars.
"Ten dollars?", she said. "It only takes ten dollars to bury a Democrat? Here's a hundred; go bury 10 of them!"
Q: What does one say to a Democrat in a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"
Q: How many Democrat does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. They just steal someone else's light.
Q: What do you have when a group of Democrat are up to their necks in wet concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.
A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about his job. In the first room she said she would like it painted a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room he said she would like it a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of Democrat laying sod across the street."
A man found an old bottle, rubbed it, and a genie came out that offered him one wish. He said that he was terrified of flying as well as boats but always wanted to go to Hawaii, so he asked for a road to Hawaii. The genii said that it was impossible because of the ocean depth and the length, and asked for an alternate wish. So the guy said he'd like all Democrat to become honest and kind. The genie considered for a minute and said, "So, would two lanes be enough or do you want four?"
Q: How many Democrat does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to handle the bulb and four to tell him how much better they could have done it
