Various Democrat Jokes: Part II
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Clinton. "That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"
Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?"
"Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
Why is Janet Reno better than the Secret Service?
Because there are some things the Secret Service won't do to protect the President!
The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer.
"I want to become a Democrat. Get me a change of registration form."
"You can do it", the lawyer said, "But why? You'll be dead soon, why do you want to become a Democrat?"
"That's my business! Get me the form!"
Four days later, the old man got his registration changed. His lawyer was at his bedside making sure his bill would be paid. (How like a lawyer...)
Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing, and it was clear that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and said, "Please, before it's too late, tell me why you wanted to become a Democrat so badly before you died?"
In a faint whisper, as he breathed his last, the old man said: "One less Democrat".
What do you get when you cross a pilgrim with a democrat?
A god-fearing tax collector who gives thanks for what other people have.
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where Bill Clinton was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that Democrat gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
There were 3 high school-aged boys walking down the street in Washington. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he's about to be hit by a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life. Bill says "Thank you for saving my life. I'll grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown."
Bill pulls some strings and gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a Congressional appointment".
So Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and gets the boy his appointment.
The third boy says "I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetary."
Bill says "That's an odd request for a 17-year old!"
The boy says "Yeah, but when my father finds out I saved your life he's gonna kill me!"
In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.
Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Bill replies, "I am Bill Clinton, and I was president of the United States!" St. Peter says, "Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord." So they go to meet the Lord, who says "Who are you and what have you done?" Clinton replies, "I am Bill Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!" The Lord then says, "Come Bill, sit on my right hand." Clinton then sits down to the right of the Lord, extremely happy.
Al Gore then dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Al replies much the same as Bill did, stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president of the US. St. Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat on his left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic.
After a while, Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is and what she did, to which she replies, "Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife of the president of the US." Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord who repeats the question, "Who are you and what have you done?" Hillary replies, "I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you are in my seat!"
Didja hear that in response to Pres. Bill's habit of dropping in on local McDonalds the McD's national management has announced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?
Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, and it's got half the meat.
Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton's campaign limo?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
A man was walking along when he spotted a small boy busily constructing something. He approached the boy and was shocked to see him playing with cow manure! For lack of anything better to say, he asked, "Little boy, what ARE you doing?"
The boy replied, "I am making Ross Perot, Mister."
Now thoroughly taken aback, the man asked, "Why are you making Ross Perot?
Why not make, er, Bill Clinton?"
The boy answered, "Oh no Mister, I can't make Bill Clinton."
"But why not?" asked the man.
The boy replied "Well, Mister, there isn't enough bullshit here to make Bill Clinton."
Several politicians had a meeting with the Wizard of Oz...
First, Newt Gingrich went to see the Wizard and said, "Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings, I wish to have a Heart".
So the Wiz said, "So be it".
Second was Al Gore. He said to the Wiz, "People think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense what so ever...I wish to have a Brain".
The Wiz said, "So be it".
Third was Bob Dole. "People say I have no confidence and I lack conviction... ..I wish to have some Courage".
And the Wiz said, "So be it".
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard.
The Wizard looked at him, and said, "Well, what do you want?"
To which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
What do call a Democrat with an IQ of 50?
Senator Kennedy.
What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a snake?
One is spineless, has a forked tongue and is a threat to humans. The other is a reptile.
A little boy wanted $100 very badly, so he prayed every night for two weeks but nothing happened.
Then he decided he would just write the Lord a letter and ask him directly for the $100.
When the post office received the letter addressed to "GOD, U.S.A.," they decided to forward it to President Clinton. The President was so touched and impressed with the boy's nerve that he showed it to Hillary. She said, "This could be good P.R., Bill. Go ahead and send the kid some money." The President told his secretary to send the boy $5.00. He thought this would seem like a lot of money to the little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat right down to write a thank you letter to God. It read as follows:
Dear God,
Thank you for sending me the money I requested. However, I see you send the money through Washington, D.C. and, as usual, that bastard Clinton took 95% of it.
What's the difference between a Democrat politician and a leech?
A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.
What's the difference between a Democrat and a vampire?
A vampire only sucks blood at night.
What's the difference between a Democrat and a prostitute?
The prostitute give value for the money she takes.
What's black and brown and looks good on a Democrat?
A Doberman
What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
